In the podcast, I mentioned something about out-growing your church and I was asked to explain what I meant. Here was my response

“Let me first say that outgrowing a church does not mean that I have become more spiritual than others. I am speaking more to outgrowing the organization and maybe the culture of the organization. The way I know I have outgrown a church is when I have stopped doing what I have been called to do (and hired to do) and have become apathetic towards what is going on around me. This could mean that their are no more challenges or it could mean that I have stopped growing in my potential. I pay close attention to the vision of a church, if the vision of a church and it’s practices don’t match or are not growing closer together in time, my heart gets restless and I start to pray for God’s leading. I have never told a church “I have outgrown you”. I simply say “it’s time for new challenges.”

We can never outgrow The Church, but we can outgrow organizations called churches no matter the size or denomination.

I have experienced these moments and found myself looking for another grow moment. Here are my three out-grow moments maybe they could be yours too.

1. I Was Apathetic About The Churches Vision and Direction

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in a staff meeting and was basically ignored while the rest of the team played small ball. I wasn’t the only voice for change or the appointed martyr, but it was clear, I did not like the direction the church was going. I discovered it was o.k. to disagree, just not out loud. I knew I was dying in the vine professionally and in some ways spiritually because of  who we, as a church, were becoming.

I love God’s church and it kills me when when we think so small and in turn drag God down to our size.  The older I get the less I can stand it. Small dreams are like gnats,  I have to swat them away before they impair my vision.

2. I Was Out-Learning My Leader(s) At An Exponential Rate

I am not saying I was smarter or wiser than the leaders I was under because I wasn’t, but I was an early adopter of ideas, resources, strategies, and technologies that I felt would move the spiritual needle of our church. I read the latest books in various disciplines and heard the latest speakers and when I tried to bring something to the table I was patronized or disregarded.

Some days this old dog fights to learn new tricks because the generation I serve needs me to stay fresh even if I can’t stay up on everything. I now know that new is not always best and the Pastors I served were doing the best they could. Growing in knowledge was not the only sign that is was time for me to go but it as the failure to try anything new that eventually caused my heart to slip away.

3. There Were No More Challenges (I Stopped Growing) 

When we first arrive at a church everything is new and shiny, isn’t it? We learn whose in charge, who’s secretly in charge, who are the most political people in the church, who are the nut jobs and and we eventually learn how to work with them or work around them. Those are one set of challenges.

The other set of challenges deals with growing through personal challenges. Like any other organization, the church can become predictable. When the worship  becomes dry, the sermons drift towards safety and the programs taste of stale bread I check out. This may be due to a touch of ADD or it may be God stirring something in me. I used to feel guilty because I wasn’t enjoying church (which is different than enjoying God) but now I start to dig deeper when those feelings start showing up. God may looking to move me on to where I can be most effective.

He’s the hard truth I’ve had to accept. Just because I am dissatisfied and believe all the above statements are true and God says stay, I stay. He knows best and knows why I need to be where He planted me.

The longest I have every been at a church is five years. Why? I think it has to do with a combination of making some poor choices with the churches I chose to align with and part of it was outgrowing those systems. This is not Yeah Me! and Boo Them!, this is a fine line I walk with any organization

Maybe my fear is that I will stay too long at a church, becoming ineffective or worse, become part of the problem that creates an ineffective church culture in the first place.

If you’re feeling like this (or not) I’d love to walk with you in your youth ministry journey. I have an ongoing coaching group called Ministry Minded you can join and be a part of a community that’s trying to navigate their callings, increase their skills and, occasionally, vent like a sailor. Join us.

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  1. Joshua

    Good Day,

    This so resonates with me is not even funny, fear of being labelled to say i think i am better and I can’t serve has kept me. The problem is if i do not visit other churches I do not get refreshed.

    If i do not watch videos or read books i do not get a fresh word. I have felt like i am dying spiritually but prayed the feeling away. Now reading this has been of great help.

    How do you now choose your next step or church where you can grow and be used in a proper way ?

  2. When I have felt I had outgrown a church the Lord seemed to find a way yo move me on.

    The first time I jumped too soon and did so out of arrogance and pride. That is not to say that God did not use my own imperfections but I would have preferred a better transition. That is what my 25 year old self would did.

    My 47 year old self would ask much better questions.

    Am I being effective where I am?

    Am I here to serve a purpose?

    Am I growing professionally and spiritually? If not? Why? How much of this is my own fault? Hat can I do about it?

    I would also have conversations with trusted people about what they see. If it were my pastor I would ask the same questions above in a “do you have any suggestions” tone.

    If I did not have anyone I could ask questions of I would look to my connections.

    I would check with my state denom leaders.

    I would check with friends in the ministry and see what the job market is like.

    I would look at whether I want to stay in the church or work in a different kind of ministry in line with my gifts.

    To challenge myself I

    Started this blog

    Make videos

    Write my own curriculum

    Livestream questions on Periscope

    I think you have to identify your gifts and create in line with those gifts.

    I am a writer and good at video so I chose platforms tag would allow me to create what I wanted and reach those I could reach.

    That’s about it. I hope that helps. Of course, only you and God know where you are in the proces so be patient and pray for open doors and confirmation.


  3. Shann Mann

    Thank you for writing this post. I just came across it today. I have been struggling with my church for a few years and feeling guilty and having others tell me I should just go because I am so unhappy. Not understanding the feelings and not knowing where else to go, and trying my best to see the good, but yet my spirit yearning for something more, all that emotion is crazy! Thank you. It was nice to know that these are feelings others have and to be patient in this time and to continue to pray for direction. I pray for blessing on you. Thank you for writing this!

  4. Melissa Bryant

    Thank You for this!!! I have been in a Valley lately and feel God is telling me it’s time to GROW, but my church preaches growth but doesn’t encourage it nor help it. I also LOVE to write I have even delivered messages at church which felt VERY FULFILLING. I LOVE to spread GODS word and the LOVE OF OUR SAVIOR!!! However when I feel I’m moving forward, I then feel a push back. I try to help lessen the burden of the pastor only to be told “It’s not enough” I play on the worship team (which I Love) but if I (not everyone else) miss practice….I’m told I must sit out on Sunday. The agenda of the Pastor doesn’t seem to be the Agenda of GOD any longer. I feel people sitting in church YEARNING for something that never comes. And I NEVER want to hurt my pastor because I Love her. But I feel like Jacob. Staying the wanting to go….but staying in the comfort zone, but being pulled to be ISRAEL. I know I have a calling on my life, but I don’t feel it growing to its potential where I am. I want to be FRUITFUL!!! I feel an urgency for STREET MINISTRY, and seeking souls.

  5. projectadmin

    You’re very welcome. It sounds like the Lord is stirring something in you, which is very cool. My prayer for you:
    I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

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