I have written two previous articles about how new Youth Pastors can get things done in their church and you can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
In this 3rd installment of Helping New Youth Pastors Getting Things Done, I want to focus on 3 keys that every youth pastor has to integrate into their ministry and they are curiosity, negotiating and explaining.
First, Be Curious
In my precious articles I liken the relationship between the youth pastor and board/pastor to a designer and an engineer. Designers think up cool stuff but their designs go nowhere without the co-sign of the engineers. Youth Pastors think up cool stuff but cannot launch anything without the co-sign of the Pastor/Board/Committee. If you are a youth pastor reading this, I want to help you get your ideas green lit and it starts with you being curious.
I had a habit of not staying in my lane. I saw other ministries as Formula One cars and it was my job to swerve over and teach them how to drive. A competitive spirit will not get you where you want to be, a curious spirit, on the other hand, maybe open a few door.
In my example above about designers and engineers, the designer’s best chance of getting a design green lit is to know
What is the engineer looking for?
and
What is the budget they are looking at?
How well do you know the people who ok your plans? How well do you know how your board and pastor make decisions? How much do you know about the church’s budget and how things get spent?
If you don’t know the answer to any of these question, it’s time to build relationship and ask some question.
If I wanted to know and understand the first pastor I served, I would go fishing with him when he asked, even if it was 3am and freezing cold.
If I wanted to know and understand another of my pastor, I would play gold with him even though I despised golf.
Do the thing they love to do even if you don’t love it.
People like people who are curious about them. Go into relationships with no agenda. You’re not trying to sell your idea. Selling your idea is usually a terrible mistake. You don’t want to show up as a salesperson but as someone who is really trying to understand the system they are working in and what is important to the decision makers in that system.
“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Becoming a Better Negotiator as a Youth Pastor
Ministry education has failed to educate those going into youth ministry on real world dynamics, organizational culture and power dynamics. This, among other reasons, are why many youth pastors have short stays at churches. One skill that is not taught is the art of negotiation.
Negotiation isn’t just for businesspeople or diplomats—it’s a crucial ministry skill, especially for youth pastors who regularly need buy-in from pastors, boards, or church committees to move ministry forward.
The truth is, you are already a negotiator—you just don’t always realize it. Think about it: when you’re planning an event, a teaching series, or how to spend your limited budget, you’re constantly weighing priorities. You’re negotiating with yourself about what’s worth doing, how to do it, and what to let go of. That internal tension—between reaching teens where they are and operating within the church’s expectations—is itself a kind of negotiation.
The next step is learning to externalize that same thoughtful process and bring others into it—senior leaders, budget committees, parents, or deacons—so they can share in your vision while contributing their perspective. When this happens, ministry planning becomes less about defending your idea and more about collaboratively shaping the best approach that honors everyone’s goals and constraints.
Negotiation doesn’t have to be confrontational
It’s not about arguing for your way—it’s about creating alignment through trust and shared understanding. Often, the biggest breakthroughs don’t come from better logic or more compelling presentations, but from stronger relationships. Grab coffee with a board member. Offer to help with a church-wide initiative. Invite your pastor into your brainstorming early. Just like designers who build goodwill with engineers, youth pastors can do the same with decision-makers by showing respect, patience, and proactive partnership.
Ultimately, getting your plans green lit isn’t just about the idea—it’s about people. And people say “yes” more often when they feel heard, respected, and included. It’s also about alignment, how your program shift or outreach falls in line with your churches goals will only add validity your proposal.
You’re learning more about their perspective. They’re learning a little bit more about yours. And then you figure out the people who are friendlier or the people who seem more receptive. Maybe ask them to coffee or have a follow up with them. But it’s about being curious. Focus on curiosity. And that is usually the healthiest way to make some of those relationships start.
Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.
― John Fitzgerald Kennedy, [Inaugural Address, January 20 1961]
Negotiation isn’t about getting what you want at the expense of others. It’s about clearly communicating your needs and expectations, and collaboratively crafting win-win solutions.
― Hendrith Vanlon Smith Jr.
Communicating Your Vision with Confidence
There’s often miscommunication in churches between departments, age-specific ministries, and leadership teams. People use different language, have different priorities, and often work in silos. This creates tension and confusion. But you have a powerful opportunity to step into that gap—not just to explain youth ministry, but to help unify the broader church’s vision through it.
When a youth pastor can take a complex ministry idea and explains it simply—through a story, a diagram, or a short vision pitch—it can be a breakthrough moment. Senior pastors, elders, or board members often wrestle with abstract concerns about youth engagement, cultural shifts, or generational disconnect. And when a youth pastor says, “Here’s what I’m seeing—and here’s a picture of what we could do,” it can bring clarity and alignment in a way that long reports or meeting debates never could.
Unfortunately, many youth pastors hesitate to speak up or present boldly. They’re worried they’ll fumble their words or that their idea won’t come across “professional” enough. But here’s the truth: no one knows youth ministry like you do. You’re in the trenches. Your insight, creativity, and front-line experience matter deeply—and your passion alone will communicate more than you think. You don’t need a perfect pitch or polished slides. You just need to speak from a place of vision and clarity.
So don’t hold back. Don’t let the fear of saying it “wrong” keep you from saying it at all. You might be the only person in the room who can help the rest of the church see the next generation clearly.
I have some bonus tips for each of these 3 steps along with some follow up question that may shed some light on how you can get the most done where you are. If you’d like these bonus thoughts, in audio version, just sign up for my newsletter.
Here’s to getting more done with less stress.