Giving youth pastors the tools they need to make and shape disciples.

Distinguishing Between Aloneness and Loneliness

2 · 01 · 23

Alone and loneliness are cousins separated by choices and feelings.

No one chooses to feel loneliness. Loneliness is a by-product of how we feel about our aloneness.

It’s possible to be alone and not feel lonely.

It’s possible to be feel lonely in a crowded room.

You can choose aloneness but you can’t choose loneliness.

We can be alone by choice or because of circumstances


Jonah felt abandoned by God because of his disobedience Jonah 2

David is siting in a cave with 400 losers Psalm 13, 1 Samuel 21:15–22:2

Elijah felt alone and wanted to die I Kings 19

Jesus felt forsaken on the cross

Hagar Genesis 21: 15-18

Sickness (Lepers, Paralyzed, The Blind)

There were many people, because of Covid, forced to be alone. There were many sad scenes of relatives talking to one another through glass doors. Husbands and wives, fathers and daughters placing their hands on windows to show love, concern and to find a way to connect.

The Bible is filled with people who, because of illness, found themselves abandoned

  • The man at the pool of Siloam
  • The woman with the issue of blood
  • The leper who had to shout “unclean” announcing their abandonment

Suffering (Physical/Emotional/Sin-Induced)

  • Hannah grieved because she could not have children
  • Demon Possessed Man lived in a cemetery angry and naked.
  • Judas suffer emotionally
  • Moses could not enter the promise land because of sin

Choosing Aloneness

You can choose to be physically alone but the great challenge today is to be digitally alone.

If you are a content creator like me, feedback, in the form of likes, comments, shares, etc. are the oxygen creators breath. Like the physical body needs oxygen to live, a lack of soul oxygen leads to digital death.

I have become more comfortable with not posting everything. I have chosen to post when I feel like like it rather than a have to because my need to post was making me unhappy.

Jesus chose aloneness

Luke 4:1-2, 14-15
Mark 6:30-32
Matthew 14:1-13
Luke 6:12-13
Luke 22:39-44
Luke 5:16

What is Loneliness and Why Do We Need It?

Loneliness as often attributed to a wilderness experience, a desert moment devoid of distractions where you are left alone and have no one else but God to rely upon.

Loneliness is a symptom of depression and anxiety.

Loneliness reveals that we really need others and God.

Loneliness reveals what we really want and we either, in humility, we reach out for those things or keep our pride, deny ourselves, and others of the things we so deeply desire such as community, authenticity and friendship.

Loneliness is a gift if we see it that way. Loneliness lets us know when it’s time to connect, get things right or pursue forgiveness and healing.

The Nearness of God

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 145:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

That they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us Acts 17:27

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8

“There is not a hint of one person who was afraid to draw near him. There were those who mocked him. There were those who were envious of him. There were those who misunderstood him. There were those who revered him. But there was not one person who considered him too holy, too divine, or too celestial to touch. There was not one person who was reluctant to approach him for fear of being rejected. Remember that. Remember”
― Max Lucado, God Came Near: God’s Perfect Gift

How can we approach God?

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who was tempted in every way that we are, yet was without sin. Hebrews 4:15

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

parrhēsía  freedom, openness, confidence (bold resolve), leaving a witness that something deserves to be remembered (taken seriously).

God is approachable because Christ makes the introduction.

Jesus: Dad, this Paul. Paul this is Dad. Have a nice talk.

If you’re feeling lonely, don’t deny it explore it. Use this time to dig deeper into what is creating the vacuums in you heart and allow the Lord to minister to you.


Mirroring: Choose a partner with one of you being the mirror. Switch after a minute.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

Psalm 139:7-10

Related Posts

A Resurrection Prayer

It hit me on Saturday. On the day between death and resurrection, anger, disappointment and desperation. For those who may not know, I deal with anxiety and depression and Saturday felt like a day in grave. I didn’t bother to shave or shower. My heart was...

read more