The NFL has often been a microcosm of society, reflecting its triumphs and its challenges. Recently, the league has been grappling with issues of mental health, particularly among its young athletes. Tua Tagovailoa’s comments about his former coach, Brian Flores, offer a poignant perspective on the importance of coaching styles that foster growth, rather than causing harm.
Tagovailoa, the quarterback for the Miami Dolphins, revealed that Flores’s intense, demanding style of coaching had a negative impact on his mental health. The quarterback described feeling “lost” and “confused” under Flores’s tutelage. His experience highlights the potential consequences of a coaching approach that prioritizes results over the well-being of the athlete.
For youth pastors, who often serve as mentors and guides for young people, Tagovailoa’s story provides valuable lessons. It underscores the importance of tailoring coaching styles to individual needs and recognizing that a one-size-fits-all approach may not always be effective.
Tua said this on “Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz.”
“To put it in simplest terms, if you woke up every morning and I told you that you suck at what you did, that you don’t belong doing what you do, that you shouldn’t be here, that this guy should be here, that you haven’t earned this right,”
“And then you have somebody come in and tell you, ‘Dude, you are the best fit for this, you are accurate, you are the best whatever, you are this, you are that.”
Youth pastors, we should strive to understand the unique experiences and challenges faced by each young person and minster to them accordingly, Jesus did.
Personalized Coaching
Recognizing that every young person is different, youth pastors should tailor their coaching approach to individual needs and strengths. This may involve providing additional support, offering alternative perspectives, or simply listening attentively.
Jesus did not pastor everyone the same and yet he did. Jesus had the same intent with each of his disciples, to love them and to lead them. Jesus corrects his disciples but he does not destroy them. Not one of the 12 disciples left Jesus over the 3 years they were together. Why?
Jesus treated his disciples differently. He called them differently. The Bible does not tell us every detail of what Jesus said to His disciples, but we do get a glimpse
- We see Jesus telling Peter, early on, get behind me Satan but we also see Jesus praising Peter for his insight that Jesus was the Messiah
- We see Jesus getting on the disciples (coaching them hard) when he rebuked them for not being able to cast the demon out of the boy but He was instructive in the process, ““Nevertheless, this kind only goes out by prayer and fasting.”
- Thomas said, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”. Jesus showed up a week later and said, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Jesus is coming to Thomas’ level and then encouraging/correcting him.
- Peter, James, and John saw things the other disciples did not see like the transfiguration.
The disciples were all on the same team but Jesus discipled them differently.
Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for fostering growth and development. By acknowledging and celebrating students’ achievements and milestones, youth pastors can help build a young perosons confidence.
The same Jesus that told Peter “Satan get behind me” said
“Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.”
When Peter revealed, through the Holy Spirt, Jesus’ identity of Messiah,.
I’ve heard some good parenting advice, once, “Catch them (your kids) doing something good and reward them.” This is also good advice in youth ministry. You can coach kids hard but you also have to deposit praise and encouragement otherwise, when you challenge them, there will be nothing to withdraw.
The thing you reward is the thing you get. If there is never a reward, all you get are grinding gears. The oil of encouragement keeps things moving smoothly.
Open Communication
Open and honest communication is essential for building trust and fostering a supportive environment. Youth pastors should create opportunities for young people to express their concerns and seek guidance.
Let’s be honest, not everyone in your youth ministry is a disciple, a follower of Jesus. If you are feeling frustration that the youth group, as a whole, is not functioning as it should, you have to take this into account. You also have to ask yourself, “Am I being clear about what I want as a youth pastor and what Jesus wants?”
Jesus asks “What do you want me to do for you?” in multiple places, including in Luke 18:41-43, Mark 10:51-52, and Matthew 20:32-34. Good leaders ask good questions, even if the answer is obvious.
Ask students questions like,
How can I help you be a better follower of Jesus?
What are your biggest challenges?
How can I pray for you
This will give you the insight you need to pray for them, find stories or verse from scripture they might need and may show you, from a program stand point, where this student can fit and become fruitful.
Mental Health Awareness
Pastors are people too. Coaches feel the pressure of winning from fans and owners. Youth Pastors feel the pressure from not only the Pastor and the church but from themselves. Unlike football, Christianity is not supposed to be performance based.
This pressure to have more students can cause you to act in ways you normally would not, effecting your mental health which then impacts the mental health of the students you serve.
Like Tua like hearing, regularly, that he was no good and should traded impacted his performance, if all we are telling students as whole or individually, “you all are a bunch of worldly people” or “your not doing enough for God”, that not only impacts their mental health but their faith.
If a student always feels unworthy they’ll drop or stay in the group and just give up.
Tua Tagovailoa’s experience underscores the importance of coaching styles that prioritize the well-being of the athlete. Tua’s experience also underscores the need for youth pastors to not disciple every student the same if they want that student to be confident in their faith walk.
Discipleship Resources
The Disciple Project: Raising Up A New Generation of Doers