Tag Archives: youth group

You Can’t Just Preach Your Way Out Of It

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Preaching is a life giving way to affirm and to challenge students. Preaching should not be our go to method for solving problems in our youth ministry. There are problems we face both personally and professionally that require more than a message.

In building terms, if we have issues within our group such as dissension, hypocrisy, etc,  a message is the dry wall, not the frame. Drywall without a frame falls flat no matter how great the quality of the drywall. The frame is the hard work we put into the relationships we have with students. We see Jesus had many monumental preaching moments, but it was the moments between those moments that made disciples. Our one on one connections with students builds the framework to put up the drywall, share the message.

We have to learn to balance our schedule. How much time are we spending on message prep and how much time are we spending on relationships. In order to see the fruit Jesus saw, we have to have more get aways with Peter, James, and John in between our Sermons From The Mount.

Have you tried to preach away, or preach your way out of a problem? How did that go?

 

 

3 Traits Of A True Student Led Ministry Believer

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I was at a campus bible club this morning and the speaker did not show up. One of the youth pastors, who is a decent speaker and a good guy, shared some thoughts from his message the night before. Nothing wrong with that, but how would True Believers have handled this differently?

We Don’t Always Come To Our Students Rescue

We have all done this, we feel like we have the have to save the moment or jump into the lead when things are not going well. If the ministry belonged to the kids this morning, the meeting would have looked like this

“Hey guys, our speaker is not here this morning, I need three students to share what they learned last night in their youth group or something that God has taught you recently.”

And then I would have waited in awkward silence until those who were supposed to do it came to the front.

We Build Student Led Ministry Into Every Ministry Opportunity

If the kids in that group knew it was their ministry they would have been prepared to share. It would have been a forgone conclusion. In fact, if they knew it was their ministry, they would not have waited until the youth pastor said it was time to start, they would have started it themselves. True Believers inject every kid with the Can Do Virus and then let it spread.

We Are Always Prepared To Give Away Our Ministry

I normally offer a time of prayer in our group where kids can come to the altar to share needs etc. Last night I gave that away. I told the kids that “tonight, you will pray for one another.” And they did. Where as, on a normal night, I amy have 1-3 come up for prayer, I think every one was prayed for that night, by another student believer.

“Is nothing sacred Paul?” No, nothing. If we truly believe that we are the best choice for every job in our youth ministry we are crazy. If we truly believe a student can do what we do, on a program we’ll give it away. I know it’s our nature to take the choice pieces for ourselves and let kids set up chairs or some other benign chore; but here are kids in our group who are called to preach and we should let them. Their are kids called to sing and we should let them. Their are kids called to lead and we should let them.

Are you a true believer?

What are some other traits of true student-led believers?

 

Altar Calls Part I: Don’t Abuse The Privilege

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I am unashamedly in favor of calling kids to commitment, but the altar call has been abused to the point where I think many youth workers second guess the Holy Spirit’s desire to call kids to commitment.

Let me first say, kids can accept Christ without a physical coming up to an altar or to the front of the church, but I don’t believe that is all an altar is for. Altars are for sacrifice, worship, and for prayer. A call to the altar is not and does not have to primarily be for salvation only.

I fact, I recently saw a post form a young man that was t camp I preached at this summer. Here are his comments:

He is thanking me for giving so many altar calls. What he does not know is, I always give altar calls ( you can read his whole testimony here. 

Here is another conversation I had with another young man who was not all that familiar with altar calls.

Conversation with a camper this summer

Him: “thanks for doing that thing last night”
Me: “what thing?”
Him: “you know that thing, where you come down to the front…”

Me: “the altar call?”
Him: yeah, that! That was legit.

Kids are hungry to commit not only to something, but to someone. That someone of the altar call should not be us, or our program, it should be Jesus. Let’s not waste a kids time, energy, or faith by calling them to anything other than a life long love affair with Jesus. Let’s not abuse the privilege a kid gives us to leading them to living water.

What do you think? Do you think youth pastors abuse the privilege of the altar call in calling a young person to faith? Tell me your experience.

Part II Coming Soon

 

How Are You Protecting Your Young Men From The Worthless and the Wicked?

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For the past couple of months I have been meditating on a “random” scripture from 2 Chronicles from 13.

“Then worthless and wicked men gathered around him to resist Rehoboam son of Solomon when Rehoboam was young, inexperienced, and unable to assert himself agains them.” verse 7

I will trust that you will read the chapter to gain the context while I offer some commentary on this verse

Our young men are being attacked by a worthless and wicked culture like Rehoboam. The writer seems to say that had Rehoboam had the ability to resist them he would have. I believe our young men want to resist a worthless and wicked culture but they cannot confront it for the same reason Rehoboam could not. We cannot do anything about the young part of the equation, but how can we help out in the other two?

Should we give our kids deeper experiences earlier?

I used to wait for a magic age to trust kids with responsibility. Not any more, I try my best to look at middle school kids and offer them the same things I offer HS students, just in smaller doses. I challenge them to step up with ideas, and then I get behind those ideas and create a levee of accountability for those ideas. The more experiences we can give kids through service, missions trips, leadership and other methods, the better I think they will be better prepared to face the wicked and the worthless. What kind of experiences are you offering your young men and are you seeing the fruit of these experiences?

How do we teach our kid to be assertiveness without being aggressive?

Middle school young men can be assertive in all the wrong ways. I see middle school kids be assertive with their sexuality as equally as they are assertive with their Yuh-Gi-Oh cards. This is the bane of adolescence, the inability to tell the difference of what is appropriate and what is not which, by the way, also makes them unbelievably funny. Too many young men know how to parrot biblical verses or religious slogans but without conviction and are false signs that a kid is “maturing” in the faith. I don’t know whether we should be teaching apologetics earlier but I think we can help young guys stand on higher ground, not beyond emotion, but in spite of their emotion. How are you cultivating deeper convictions in your young men?

As always, I have more questions than answers. Share your thoughts.

 

Is Your Library Holding You Back?

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Back in the days of books and large libraries and offices for youth pastors, when I had a need, I would go to my “go to” books on games, lessons, etc. (See Ideas Library from YS) What I found out after the tornado stole our church and my library, I discovered something: I leaned on my library too much.

Libraries are not just books. Libraries are a collection of anything, websites, camps, speakers, conferences, ebooks, etc. The questions is, are our “go to” resources keeping us stupid and outdated. Just because it’s easy to go to our favorites in a pinch doesn’t mean that it should be our first choice.

It’s not just a questions of ease, it’s questions of creativity. When I lost 90% of my library in the tornado, as well as my office, I discovered a new level of creativity. I became much more nimble in my thoughts and had to think more about what was best and not just what was easiest. Loosing my library also freed me up to pray more. It’s amazing how much we  will not pray about something when we feel like we have an ace in the hole somewhere.

I also learned to rely more on people than books or websites. Real people had better ideas than my books. They had current, passionate, and more fun ideas than my books. Shocking right? It only took a natural disaster to show me that.

To this day, one year later, I do not have an office or a library of “go to” resources and I am better because of it.

Challenge: Pack up your “go to” stuff a month (or more) and see what happens.

Two Words That Do Not Go With Discipleship

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I was driving my 17 year old son to school the other day. There are two roads to his school. One involves a light, the other involves a stop sign. I usually take him the way of the stop light. It’s straighter. My route involves going straight and then making a left. The other road is curvy, so I would have to drive slower and it takes me past the school and I have to come back to it, longer right? When we reached the road that my son said was faster, I could have argued and said, “No it’s not” and gone straight. So we went his way, but it still bugged me whether it was faster or not.

So, in my typical anal fact finding ways, and a chance to tell my son his route was not faster, I went back the same way I came and timed it. I sat in front of the school, hit the stop watch on my iphone and took off. I drove between 40-45 mph. My son’s route back to where we started took 2:55.3 seconds. I then turned and went my way, keeping my speed the same as the other route. I hit the light but I was only delayed a few seconds before the light turned green. Arriving back at the school, which some who saw me the first time probably thought I was crazy, I stopped the watch, it read 3:39.5. My son was right, it was faster. I was a bit shocked, I thought my was was faster.

Thisis the first word you cannot put together with discipleship: Faster. Faster is a selling word. Faster sells cars, cleaning products, and tax audits. All of these are things we want to go fast and to help us get done with whatever we have to do to get to the thing we want to do. Faster is provable. Just time it.

Which is the easier way to tie your shoes? Bunny ears or the traditional method? Neither to a man with no hands and a man with no feet doesn’t care. Easier is also a selling word, use this, it’s easier. Easier is a matter of opinion and context. What is easy to for one, is difficult for another.

This is the second word that goes with disciplehsip: easier. Faster and easier are not the words we should be looking for when it comes to discipleship.

Is it easier to do discipleship one on one or in a small group?

Is it faster to make disciples if we get everyone to make the meeting or the retreat?

If someone tells you there is an easier or faster way to do discipleship, or even ministry in general, run away. It does not exist. They both can be tested but the conditions must be the same as the way the person that told you how they they reached X faster.

Words you could use to judge any discipleship method or practice

Effective

Condusive

Reasonable

Productive

Faster and easier are great words to sell products but poor words to use when leading people in the way of Christ. There was nothing easy or fast about Jesus’ time with his disciples or His crucifixion on the cross. Easier and faster are words about us. To make our job easier. Here are two words that do go with discipleship: glorious work.

Throw your two cents and two words in the mix. What two words would you use to describe discipleship?

 

 

Do Mega Youth Groups Have A Mega Responsibility?

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I got a call the other day from a mega youth movement in our city. They were inviting me to an end of school rally. I appreciated the call and thanked him. A few days later I received another call inviting me to the same event. I had been thinking about mega-churches and mega youth movements and their responsibility to the rest of the body of believers within the community.

Mega churches are, dynamically, like Wal-Mart. When a Wal-Mart moves into a community , it has an adverse effect on mom and  pop stores, usually resulting in them closing. Mega-churches have a similar effect. I define a mega church or youth ministry of over 100, since the average church congregation is about 100. Wal-Mart has no responsibility to mom and pop stores, but what if they did? What if they shared marketing secrets or better customer service tips? This would level the playing field to some degree and then it would be up to those owners to change to get a chance to compete within the market place.

What if Mega-Churches or groups did the same? Rather than gutting our youth ministries or young adult programs and saying too bad, teach us how to thrive. Now, I know the mega’s have events that equip the body. They host larger speakers, conferences,  and concerts that smaller groups could not afford. That certainly helps, but there are some other things I’d like to see them do.

I’d like to see mega movement youth leaders and youth pastors

  • Join a local network- Many times these leaders will say they do not have time. Bunk! Come hang out with us.
  • Teach us something- Share what you know with us. Teach us how to draw students or have an awesome camp.
  • Partner with us- Bring your awesome drama team or band to our group.
  • Reach out to us- I want to hear from you, not your people. Mega groups draw criticism because of isolationism. Break down the walls.
This is not sour grapes, just an observation. I am also not a spiritual socialist, believing all things should be equal among us.  I think Mega youth groups have a mega responsibility to the rest of the body within a community, unless they want to be Wal-Mart.  At the very least, don’t ignore us. We may be mom and pop churches but we have purpose. Invest in us, build relationships with us, and then let us stand on our own and we ‘ll see what God will do. Next time, don’t call me to come to your event, call me to come into relationship with you.
What do you think? Do Mega-Youth Ministries or movements have a responsibility to the rest of the body within a community or is it all cut-throat and the strongest survive? Tell me what you think.

Help! I’m Stuck and Nothing Is Working!

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I recently had to postpone 2 events in the past two months because the sign up was not good. These were traditional events. a lock-in and a D-Now (Disciple Now). Students had helped plan both, but did not sign up. It makes a youth worker shake his head and question everything. Don’t. It’s the new normal.

Everything is optional to students. Music, events, faith. So, what is a youth worker to do? I have a few ideas, but I know what I am not going to do:

  • Freak Out- I’ve seen this before, not as bad, but I have, and you have too. You can handle it.
  • Check Out- Quitting is not an option, because the same youth group exists across town and across the nation. Same spirit, different faces.

What I am going to do:

  • Reach Out- I am going to start a new dialogue with parents, students, and the church, we’ll see what happens
  • Stick It Out- Students see enough adults a.k.a parents, who leave when times are tough. Kids are watching how we handle the tough times, and it may be the greater lesson.

Are you facing something similar? Don’t be like Job, sitting in an ash pile, scraping your wounds with pottery shards. Be like Paul, who was struck blind, clueless. He had to swallow his pride and allow the forces to lead him to someone who could help. Sometimes, we need to submit to the forces around us, when we have trouble leading ourselves. Don’t fight a rip tide, swim parallel until you are out of it.

I am swimming parallel in the Spirit this week, praying and fasting, relying on God to lead me, rather than myself. Do you have a similar situation?  Let me know your story. Pray for me and I will pray for you.

When A Student Leaves: Exit Strategies

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I hate it when a kid leaves our group. When a kid leaves, depending on the kid, several bad things can happen:

  • We lose momentum
  • We lose other kids
  • We lose leadership
  • We lose workers
  • We lose a friend
  • We lose our job, if it’s a bunch of kids

Kids can leave for any number of reasons. I recently lost a kid, not because of our program, but because of a church/relationships matter. Many kids slip away into the night and we don’t find our for weeks that they’ve quit coming. What I respect about this student, is that they wrote and told me they were leaving. They told me it wasn’t anything  I did, but they had to follow their family. What I hate, is losing a student that has so much potential. I miss the fact that I will miss their spiritual journey; to watch them grow, fail,and grow some more.

Here are a few ways to prevent or manage the damage of a students exit.

1. Steady the teetering

If you have some students or parents on the edge, meet it head on. Begin a conversation about what’s going on with their lives, give them a chance to vent. Let them put their struggles on the table. Don’t flinch, listen.

2. Strengthen what you have

Make sure you are calling or meeting with kids beyond group time. We can’t just phone it in anymore. Try some unplanned, impromptu stuff like a lunch, one night camping trip, or a quick road trip. Building community and relationships have to move beyond the youth room.

3. When a kid leaves, find out why

I used to not care, no, really, I didn’t . I felt like it was on a kid if they didn’t want to be here. Now, I try harder to weigh each case and be more proactive. I sat down with a students once who told me they were leaving, I could not convince her not to leave. What I did challenge her to do was tell the group why she was leaving. She did, and it erased any speculation and chatter of why she was leaving.

4. Encourage kids to see the future

When a student leaves, and it could effect others, move quickly to rally the troops. Talk with them about the future and the vision of the youth ministry. Share with them how you see them making this happen and that they are valued.

5. Don’t close the door or give away their seat

Kids are fickle. Whether they leave by their own choice to another group, or whether it  be a heat of the moment decision or a gradual drift, keep communication lines open. I have had kids leave and come back a year later. I have kids who went to other groups but still call me when they have a problem. Just because a kid is not in your group any longer, does not mean God has released you from them or cancelled any future plans to minister to them. Oh, that girl that left my group and told the group why she was leaving? I am performing her wedding this year.

You can’t stop kids from leaving. It’s part of the job. We have to learn, as hard as it may be, not to take each one personally. We have to look to the Lord, who Himself had a mass exodus at a critical time in his life. Yet, we find Him visiting with those same disciples, eating fish and chatting around the fire about life. If He can do it, so can we.